love

Spock and other tales

They went on together in silence. But Arren saw the world now with his companion's eyes and saw the living splendor that was revealed about them in the silent, desolate land, as if by a power of enchantment surpassing any other, in every blade of the wind bowed grass, every shadow, every stone. So when one stands in a cherished place for the last time before a voyage without return, he sees it all whole, and real, and dear, as he has never seen it before and never will see it again.

The Farthest Shore - U.K.L.G

In my last update I was on the brink of a new and unusual journey. I have had to return early due to illness. Not in my family but in Eugenie's. This is sad and gently painful for her and her family. We laugh together and sip champagne and spocktails on the veranda as the soft days pass slowly for now. What has been a surprise to me is the sensation of being at the beginning of yet another, utterly different journey. I know it's not how we all feel, but I do, very acutely.

Plans can change or rearrange but nothing is ever gone. When I was younger my biggest fear was that I would regress to an earlier time. I would avoid my school and the areas I grew up in for fear that too long in these spaces would pull me back into a version of myself I no longer am. Slowly I have come to know that will never happen. For better or worse I would not be able to go back to an older time, and the thought is a comfort.

It has also been strengthening to realise that most if not all of my plans for 2013 are still in tact. Everything I am planing remains on track with little disruption. And I am seeing new excitements reveal themselves as they always do in unlikely times. There is even a chance we will be back in Hong Kong for January, and perhaps some of February; of course not for as long.

It feels similar to the time I finished art school and was orienting myself. The excitement then was squashed by that fear of stagnation, or worse, regression. But now that fear has gone and I'm allowed to feel the excitement of teetering before uncharted territory. The first year I have been able to do so.

I have given my love to what is worthy of love. Is that not the kingdom and the unperishing spring?

Forests

We are living in the forest. The weather here is bad; but surly, cold clouds seem to make things special.The next change in the forest will bring an exiting type of permanence.

I have been making things that don't quiet fit together. These sculptures are sitting on my desk, their segments jutting out at uncomfortable angles when they should be smooth, seamless surfaces. Art always seems to be an effort of control. Not control of materials, which are perfect, but control of my own body. One day I hope to fully understand my hands, my movements.

I am fitting many things together. I am trying to form objects to suit all nooks and crannies. Some of these objects don't quite fit, but they are still beautiful, sublime. At times like this all I can do is know these objects, these feelings. Have them fill me, and engorged in beauty and love I am ultimately happy.

matching colours

Walking, going to work, meeting friends - it feels like I am falling in love every day. How lucky it is to make art and to love. These actions should reflect one another. I wonder how closely art making can be integrated with all other actions of my life. Sometimes I see it happening in other peoples lives, like a girl I know who's art collection is comprised of gifts given by lovers and friends.

I am finishing some work for Crush, a group show from here and there. I'll include some images the next post.

mature, happy, sweet and vain

I have been thinking about love and being in love. I feel strongly I am in love right now, though it is just a feeling and I can't pin it to anyone. This is okay, I think we should always be in love; with someone or no-one, only in love. It is a sad and merry feeling. "A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved going in the opposite direction in this too-big world."

I'll be back in Canberra soon. It is time to start working again. I'm going to set up a temporary studio in my living room and paint from there. It may be catastrophic.